I was a very shy and timid child. To comfort my young and nervous mind I used to think about how great it was going to be becoming an adult and not having to fear anything anymore. Hilarious.
There was a brief period in my growth – between the ages of 14 and 20 – when my courage and confidence peaked. I was in drama, school plays, I performed original music in talent shows, competitions, open mics, and on live radio shows. I entered contests and put together college portfolios with the utmost belief that I pretty much rocked. I shared my music, art and writing with friends and strangers alike without much hesitation at all.
Instead of this trend continuing and strengthening into my adulthood, it completely choked and withered. I really can’t pinpoint the exact moment when my self-confidence dwindled down to nothing. All I know is that now I can’t even do karaoke in a dive bar full of drunk people.
I guess the most important question is, do I want to be a performer? My immediate response is, hell no. But there is still a part of me – a young, cocky thing – who wants that adrenaline, that applause, that adoration. Fortunately, in this age of YouTube and MySpace and blogging I may be able to maintain my bomb shelter of a comfort zone and get a little (much desired) attention that I used to amass so painlessly.
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